sex, drums and on the dole.

Postman Pat is retiring and its his last day.....
As he goes round his beat people are stopping him, giving him presents and wishing him well.
He gets to the blonde's house at no23 and is about to pop the letters thro the letterbox when the door opens and he is greeted by the blonde wearing a very revealing nighty. She ushers him in and drags him upstairs for some of the most mindblowing sex he's ever had.
Once they're done and dressed she sits him down at the table and gives him a lovely full english breakfast with tea, toast and all the trimmings.
He's just tucking into it when he notices a card on the table addressed to him, he opens it and in it is a card and £5.
"I can't accept this money from you, you've given me more than I could ever have imagined or hoped for already"
"oh don't worry" she replies "that's from my husband, I told him you were retiring and we should get you something. He said F*ck him, give him a fiver. The breakfast was my idea".




two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.....

badoom tssh.



An unemployed gulf war veteran goes for a job with the council.
At the interview he totally outclasses all other candidates and they decide to offer him the job there and then.
"The job's yours, you can start 8am monday if you like, we just need to know of any ailments, disabilities, that sort of thing.

the veteran replies " I had my balls blown off in the gulf war but it doesn't restrict me back from doing anything.

"might as well make it 10am then, we usually sit around scratching our balls for 2 hours, no need for you to do that."