Joke

After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto.

The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight.
So sit back, relax and ..... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you......
While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.

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Paddy is walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

Twenty quid ...' she whispers. He's never been with a hooker before,
but he decides what the heck, it's only twenty quid. So they hide in
the bushes.

They've been going at it for a couple of minutes when suddenly a
light flashes on them. It's a police officer. 'What's going on here,
people?' asks the officer.

'I'm making love to my wife,' Paddy answers indignantly. 'Oh, I'm
sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.'

'Well,' Paddy says, 'neither did I, until you shined that light in her
face.'

You should see the front of my pants!"

One Irish passenger yelled, "bye jezis you should see the back of mine!"

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A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica.

They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"

So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think ! you would be interested in.Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."

So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican began screaming, "You got dem on de wrong feet!, you got dem on de wrong feet!".