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Tother one

Post  Dantheman on Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:04 am

not all politically correct, and some may offend................

Viz Readers Letters

* Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with
The exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I
hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid
sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

* What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being
The world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

* Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P Boddington,

* What's gone wrong with the world today, nowadays I can't even beat the
wife about a bit without fear of intervention from social services or
even fear of prosecution. It's PC gone mad.

* What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a
Loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some
chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and
quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get
their story straight.

* I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can
testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

* WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses?
Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to
MRSA outbreaks in no time.

* Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue
serving them fat f***ers? its hardly fair.

* Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about
galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius

* How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the racist 'n' word on his multi-million
selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law
for the rich and another for the poor

* The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese"
obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.

* They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I
regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV
in my local.

* If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking
World go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received
some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?

* In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose
Capital cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina
(Buenos Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia (Belgrade). China changed the
name of Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will
show a little more imagination in this century.

* These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you

* We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to
The war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London
Beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the
actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately
left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France, then North
Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always
be with us.

* Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East
End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero
by The people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the
Luftwaffe. Werner Hoffman, Munich .

* I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young
people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up
boards telling us motorists where they lead to.

* Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand
Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous
thing She has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with
Stan Collymore.

* So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I
know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.

* I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in
the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?

Number of posts : 52
Age : 48
Location : Thurso
bike/s : Hayabusa RK2, GSXR1000K1 & '10 GS Adventure.
Interests : Bikes, cars, photography & my dogs...
Registration date : 2008-08-12

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